A Day in the Life: Gundam Wing
by Niu Shiy-Ue
Summary: What the title says


A Day in the Life: Gundam Wing Some shonen-ai, but mostly humor.  
  
~~~It's always the quiet ones . . .~~~  
  
At the sound of another moan from the other bed Hiiro resisted the urge to scream and covered his ears with his pillow. They were hiding from OZ in an abandoned house. Ordinarily they would have gone to one of Quatre's innumerable mansions, but after Duo's last prank on the Magaunacs (Rashid, toupee and a camera. Enough said.), they were forced into a more low- profile domicile. That being said, there were only three bedrooms and Wufei had managed to draw the short straw and get the single at the end. Flipping a coin had left Quatre and Duo with the smaller room on the left and Hiiro and Trowa sharing the larger one on the right.  
  
Now Hiiro wished he had gotten stuck with the smaller room instead.  
  
"Oooh, Quatre, please right there, just like that-Oh yes! Oh God!"  
  
Hiiro cursed under his breath as he got up to go sleep on the couch. Who would have guessed that 'The Silencer' was a chronic sleeptalker?  
  
~~~And the Grammy goes to . . .~~~  
  
Wufei was always the first one up, even before 'Perfect Soldier' Yuy. He liked the peace and quiet, to help center him while he did his katas. He quickly picked up his portable stereo and went outside. After checking that his favorite CD was inside he began to sing along with his favorite song.  
  
Soon wildly off-tune phrases of "You make me feel . . . You make me fee-el . . .YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A NATURAL WOMAN!" flew through the air.  
  
~~~Air, Bear, Fair, Hair, Lair . . .~~~  
  
Duo hummed along to the sounds of Wufei belting off um, originally self- tuned renditions of popular 20th century pop-artists. Oh bother, Wufei was a badly done Britney Spears and there was no disguising it (even through three layers of concrete). Duo wondered how he would have felt knowing that other people could hear him practice his vocal cords in the morning, then figured self-preservation over Wufei-torture. Picking up the shampoo bottle he squeezed a generous portion onto his head. Putting it back down again, he realized it wasn't his regular brand, but something different. Holding it close to his face he read the label with increasing fear. "N . . . A . . . I . . .R"  
  
"AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!"  
  
Wufei smiled serenely. Looked like his prank worked. Nothing like Maxwell screaming in the morning to get your day off.  
  
~~~Hiiro's dietary habits courtesy of GwahCola~~~  
  
Hiiro listened to the sounds of the shower being turned off. That meant he had ten minutes before the Maxwell tornado hit the kitchen to get up and get something to eat.  
  
Entering the kitchen, Hiiro took inventory. He had eaten the last of the oatmeal yesterday. There was half a melon in the fridge, but Wufei and Quatre would be having that for breakfast. Two eggs as well, but he needed that for lunch. Opening the pantry revealed only Maxwell's sugar-loaded cereals. Only white bread too, so toast was out. Finally he looked out the window . . .  
  
Duo entered the kitchen toweling his hair dry. That had been a mean prank by Wufei, making him think he had put NAIR on . . . What the hell? "Um, Hiiro, what the fuck are you doing?"  
  
"Eating breakfast."  
  
"Yes I can see that. What exactly are you eating?"  
  
"Varnished oak."  
  
Deep breath. In, out. Stay calm "Why?"  
  
"Because the termites didn't have enough fiber."  
  
~~~I saw this in a Weiss Kreuz fanfic once~~~  
  
Having finished his workout Wufei was ready to hit the shower. He only hoped Duo hadn't used up all the hot water as revenge for his prank. Unfortunately when he got there, the door was still locked. "Oy Maxwell, it's been three hours already. Time to get out." The door was still locked so he knocked. "Even you don't need that much time to wash your hair. Let someone else use the bathroom." Still no response. "Maxwell get out here now or I'm busting in!"  
  
"I'm right here." Wufei turned around to see Duo, neatly showered and dressed, staring at him quizzically.  
  
"Wha-huh-what? You are?" He whirled back to look at the bathroom door. "Then who's in there?  
  
"I don't know." Duo reached up and knocked on the door. "Yoo-hoo, anybody home?"  
  
"Sorry, it's me." Quatre's voice came out of the bathroom. "I was in a really delicate spot and didn't dare talk. Feel free to come in." Duo and Wufei exchanged glances. What did he mean he was in a delicate spot? Opening the door they were met by the shock of their lives.  
  
"Winner what the hell are you doing!?!" Duo was for once rendered speechless.  
  
Quatre looked up from where he was perched on the edge of the bathtub, dressed only in his boxers with a razor in his hand. "What does it look like I'm doing?"  
  
"It looks like you're shaving your legs!" Quatre gave him a 'Duh!' look. "For Kami's sake, WHY?"  
  
Quatre carefully drew the razor up one foam covered leg. "Because I like the way it feels." He made a second pass. "Besides, after getting nicked with this, OZ torture is nothing."  
  
Duo and Wufei were floored.  
  
~~~MICROSOFT!~~~  
  
Duo bounded into the room he was sharing with Quatre. Hiiro was also there; something about "Who ever knew The Silencer would be such a chatterbox?" Not that that made any sense to Duo, so he stuffed that incident in the box with Wufei's 'Honor' and 'Injustice' and Quat's 'Tea'. Hiiro was, again, on his laptop. "Watcha doin'?"  
  
"Devising stratagems for the removal of incendiary explosives from a given area using a grid pattern."  
  
"Oookaaay. Sure. Whatever." Duo went and grabbed the Slayers DVD he wanted from beside his bed. On the way out he happened to glance at Hiiro's computer screen. And received quite a shock. "You're playing Minesweeper?!?"  
  
"Hn."  
  
Duo took a closer look. "And you're losing? On the easiest level?"  
  
Hiiro growled. "Omae o korosu".  
  
~~~Early to rise, late to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead~~~  
  
Quatre peered into the dim bedroom. He couldn't believe Trowa was still in bed! Well, he could believe it, he knew the other teen well, but still . . . it was almost noon! Not even Duo got up that late! Leaning over the prone figure, he lightly shook him. "Trowa. Trowa! It's time to get up!"  
  
All he received back was a bit of slurred wordless mumbling. He sighed. Why couldn't the others have done this? Reaching out he pulled away the covers. "Tro-waah!"  
  
Somehow in his sleep Trowa had managed to not only pull the covers back up but completely entangle Quatre within them as well. Oh why oh why oh why? He tried again, this time shaking Trowa's shoulders. The results, while impressive, weren't exactly what he was looking for.  
  
"Mmmm" Trowa moaned, winding his arms around Quatre's neck. "Kiss me, please Quatre. You're so beautiful."  
  
Of course, the others would have to walk in at that exact moment. "Hey Q- man, what's taking you so long? Sleeping Beauty wants a kiss or something . . ." Duo trailed off.  
  
"I don't know! I didn't do anything!" He attempted to push Trowa, who was starting to lavish kisses on his neck, away. "Don't just stand there-HELP ME!"  
  
The other three Gundam Pilots didn't move. Then Duo doubled over and started laughing his head off. His hyena-like gales managed to wake Trowa. Being confronted by two stunned pilots, one braided baka rolling on the floor and the object of your so-called secret affection wrapped up in your arms first thing in the morning was, of course, not conducive to coherent thought. " . . . "  
  
Quatre just pushed himself away while Duo continued to choke himself with laughter on the floor.  
  
~~~Quatre's Shaay~~~  
  
Trowa walked hazily through the front door of the safehouse. After finally getting up, he had gone to visit Cathy, whose circus was nearby and had stayed there for lunch. Fortunately, she hadn't prepared soup; instead he'd gotten a nice salad and some fairly decent burgers. Cathy wasn't a bad cook, but for some reason she could never get her soups to come out palatable. Unfortunately, that was also true of her coffee, and at 1:30 Trowa still felt half-asleep. He entered the kitchen and found Duo preparing himself a triple-decker sandwich. "Didn't you eat lunch?"  
  
"Hey, I'm a growing boy!" Trowa snorted. He opened up the cupboard. "Do we have any coffee around here?"  
  
Duo swallowed the bite he had taken. "Yup. Hiiro moved it this morning while he was looking for breakfast. Two to the left, upper shelf. That's the ordinary stuff; Quat's is in the one right beside the refrigerator."  
  
"Quatre's . . . ?" Duo took another bite and pointed to the table where a still steaming cup of something lay beside an Ellis Peter's novel. Trowa arched a brow.  
  
"Wufei nearly got beaned on the head as he was working on Nataku. Hiiro pushed him out of the way. Neither of them are more than a little bruised from the floor but you know Quatre; he went into mother-hen mode and insisted on checking them both out. He'll be back in a second."  
  
Trowa picked up the cup. He thought Quatre only drank tea, but this smelled more like coffee. He decided to take a sip. "I wouldn't do that if I were you." Duo warned.  
  
Trowa ignored him and took a sip. And nearly spat it right back out again. He finally managed to swallow and then wished he hadn't; whatever this stuff was, it burned! "I told you not to do that, silly boy."  
  
"What the hell is that stuff!?!" Trowa sputtered, coughing.  
  
Duo watched him gasp and cough, getting a freakish pleasure from drawing out the suspense-filled moment before bestowing his arcane wisdom on the poor ignorant sufferer. "Turkish Coffee."  
  
~~~Driver's Ed~~~  
  
"Yuy, I need to speak with you for a moment."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Did you send Quatre and Maxwell out?"  
  
"Someone needed to go grocery shopping. Quatre and Duo are the best suited for civilian infiltration missions. Quatre can also be depended on for purchasing edible foodstuffs."  
  
Wufei gave him a look. "And Maxwell?"  
  
"Duo seems incapable of allowing the rest of us to function unless pacified with colorized sugar. Allowing him to go with Quatre enables him to pick out those he most enjoys without hindrancing the rest of us."  
  
"I think you managed to forget one thing Yuy."  
  
#CRACK#  
  
"Neither Quatre nor Maxwell can drive standard."  
  
Another #BRRRK# came from outside, followed by faint voices: "Quick, press the clutch!" "What's the clutch?" "Um, this one!" #SCREECH#  
  
~~~Roses are Red~~~  
  
#DING-DONG#  
  
Hiiro scrutinized the door. Who would be ringing the door? It could be someone as innocuous as a door-to-door salesperson or a Girl Scout, or it could mean that OZ had found them. He drew his gun from Spandexspace@ and then opened the door a fraction. "Hn?"  
  
Outside was a very confused delivery person. Hiiro didn't let his guard down; it could still be an OZ trick. "Um, is there a Hiiro Yuy here?" Hiiro nodded. "Ah, OK" He shoved a clipboard in Hiiro's face. "Could you sign here?"  
  
"What for?"  
  
"A dozen truckloads of red roses from Relena Darlian."  
  
~~~"Honey I'm Home!"~~~  
  
"TROOOWWWAAA! Get your butt down to the kitchen!" Duo hollered up the stairs.  
  
"What is it?" Trowa took his time going down the steps to be confronted with one exasperated, pacing Duo, one semi-worried, finger-tapping Quatre and two still and silent Asian Gundam Pilots.  
  
"So I take it you forgot?" Duo went from mildly exasperated to just short of rampaging fury. Whatever Trowa had forgotten had been serious.  
  
"Forgot what?" Not that Trowa was in any way worried, as far as observers could tell.  
  
"Ahem. It's your turn to cook, remember Bang-Boy? And you can't get out of it by ordering take-out; Suicide-Boy" he pointed to Hiiro. "Said we're attracting too much attention as is. Relena's already found us."  
  
"I'm not a very good cook."  
  
Wufei snorted. "You can't get worse than Yuy."  
  
Hiiro shot a death-glare to Wufei. "There's nothing wrong with Tempura."  
  
Trowa glanced back and forth. "What happened?"  
  
"Let's just say that in all my time of take-out Chinese, I've never seen vegetables tempura'd before."  
  
"It's not what he tempura'd that I object to." interjected Wufei. "But that was the greasiest dish I've ever eaten. And that after all of Duo's American pizza's and doughnuts and such."  
  
"I'll give it a shot. But don't blame me if it comes out badly."  
  
~~~30 minutes later~~~  
  
"I take that back. Barton can cook worse than Yuy." Wufei fired over Hiiro's head at the pursuing OZ squad.  
  
"I warned you I wasn't that good." Trowa leaned over the passenger side of their 'borrowed' automatic car. He managed to shoot out a tire on one of the closer vehicles.  
  
Quatre looked up from where he was reloading. "OK, maybe over cooking the . . . whatever it was in the oven was an accident . . ."  
  
"Sure, and we believe that the eggs just slipped whole, shell and all, from your hand into the pan." Wufei added sarcastically.  
  
"TAKE THE SOUP OUT OF THE CAN BEFORE MICROWAVING IT!!!" bellowed Duo, swerving around an intersection. "After Hiiro ordered us not to attract attention; burning the house down is not the brightest idea!"  
  
"Duo" Hiiro ordered. "Shut up and floor it!" And Duo did.  
  
~~~Finis~~~ 


End file.
